Free Samples in the Mail......
are a wonderful thing! Today, stuck in between a Visa bill and a bank statement was a shiny card with a little packet stuck to it.......and it was, according to the ad blurb, filled with "a personal lubricant". i was excited.
So i opened it up, took it outside and used it to lubricate the blades of my old lawnmower.
i feel so much sexier now.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Arthritic Angst
More than 1/4th of all the bones in the human body are located in the hands.
i can feel every single misshapen one of them.
it's misery, it's pain, it's just awful.
and the thing is, it seems so.......whiny.......to complain about it.
and yet i am.
i have a dead/decaying mouserat in the kitchen wall. it is depressing. you can burn incense, fry garlic, spray febreeze......and yet, the smell remains inthe background.
i do not understand why so many people watch all those tv shows about forensics and autopsies etc.........get a dead mouserat in your wall and i bet you lose interest pretty fast.
Today is Friday. i am not a big fan of weekends.
More than 1/4th of all the bones in the human body are located in the hands.
i can feel every single misshapen one of them.
it's misery, it's pain, it's just awful.
and the thing is, it seems so.......whiny.......to complain about it.
and yet i am.
i have a dead/decaying mouserat in the kitchen wall. it is depressing. you can burn incense, fry garlic, spray febreeze......and yet, the smell remains inthe background.
i do not understand why so many people watch all those tv shows about forensics and autopsies etc.........get a dead mouserat in your wall and i bet you lose interest pretty fast.
Today is Friday. i am not a big fan of weekends.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Just To Let You Know........
something is wrong with the clock-thingie in my computer.....it keeps saying that i am "posting" at six something every morning.
i'm not even UP at that hour. and if i am, i am certainly not sitting here writing.
and the other thing.......
Fox News is "running" a story this morning about the TROUT-KILLING TEDDY BEAR.
i feel quite safe knowing they are on top of this nightmare.
something is wrong with the clock-thingie in my computer.....it keeps saying that i am "posting" at six something every morning.
i'm not even UP at that hour. and if i am, i am certainly not sitting here writing.
and the other thing.......
Fox News is "running" a story this morning about the TROUT-KILLING TEDDY BEAR.
i feel quite safe knowing they are on top of this nightmare.
Tutoring Students
is a wonderful way to actually "see" our education system at work. Or not at work, as the case may be.
i tutor several subjects, but my favorite is English grammar. There is just something so tidy and organized and beautiful about the rules. And once a person has conquered these rules, he/she can feel perfectly comfortable about breaking them. Mistakes of "stupid" are a whole different thing from deliberate "rule-screwing". at least that's my theory.
So...........gerunds. Now, i personally adore gerunds. They're simple, useful and an easy thing to "put in a diagram", should you be so motivated. What i love the best about "teaching" them, though, is how much fun it is to fuck with the student's mind. I make test sheets for them to do....you know, like underlining the nouns once, verbs twice, gerunds three times, etc. Should be easy......after all, the first thing i explain is that a gerund always ends in "ing". So......i give a sentence like this......."I love to sing during the running of the bulls . " Or... "Bring me that thing that is shining on the swing." And then i just sit back and watch the frantic underlining, erasing, crossing out, and finally.......the look of complete helplessness. And thus......i then have this know-it-all teenager
in the right frame of mind to LEARN.
and that makes me happy.
Yesterday my most favorite person told me i am a "mean little woman!".......Best praise i've had in a while. Just because my physical self is waning doesn't mean i have to become kind, sweet and understanding. i shall remain myself and continue to annoy people as long as possible.
is a wonderful way to actually "see" our education system at work. Or not at work, as the case may be.
i tutor several subjects, but my favorite is English grammar. There is just something so tidy and organized and beautiful about the rules. And once a person has conquered these rules, he/she can feel perfectly comfortable about breaking them. Mistakes of "stupid" are a whole different thing from deliberate "rule-screwing". at least that's my theory.
So...........gerunds. Now, i personally adore gerunds. They're simple, useful and an easy thing to "put in a diagram", should you be so motivated. What i love the best about "teaching" them, though, is how much fun it is to fuck with the student's mind. I make test sheets for them to do....you know, like underlining the nouns once, verbs twice, gerunds three times, etc. Should be easy......after all, the first thing i explain is that a gerund always ends in "ing". So......i give a sentence like this......."I love to sing during the running of the bulls . " Or... "Bring me that thing that is shining on the swing." And then i just sit back and watch the frantic underlining, erasing, crossing out, and finally.......the look of complete helplessness. And thus......i then have this know-it-all teenager
in the right frame of mind to LEARN.
and that makes me happy.
Yesterday my most favorite person told me i am a "mean little woman!".......Best praise i've had in a while. Just because my physical self is waning doesn't mean i have to become kind, sweet and understanding. i shall remain myself and continue to annoy people as long as possible.
Monday, September 25, 2006
We Don't Need No Comedy Channel.....
not when we have Fox News, Jerry Falwell, the U.N. and......hell, everything else.
Why are so many "notables" visiting Castro lately? As far as i can tell, the only true achievement of his decades as despot was the creation of a nation of antique cars. i suppose that could be important.
i enjoyed seeing Bill Clinton get pissed off in an interview....maybe it got his heart pumping again.
i started my day with a phone call from one of my credit card companies.....asking me if i was "still in possession" of my card, and if so, had i actually used it "so much" in the past ten days. Like it's any of their business what i do from my own couch?! i demanded that the guy read me all the charges, and then i MADE him listen to my explanation of each one. don't think he'll be bothering me again any time soon. The detailed, circuitous discussion of the charge to the City of Sealy involving assorted tickets, warrants, etc. gave him, and i quote, "a nasty headache".
It is good to have success so early in the day.
don't you love the word "schnecken"? it's phlegmy.
It is a perfect, clean, cool blue-sky morning......a sure sign that banana-harvesting time will soon be here. i always love whacking and sacking in my garden, and it's just an added bonus when i get to add eating to the chore. anyone have any great, unique recipes for teeny-tiny bananas?
How come people are thrilled and happy that the New Orleans Super Dome is finished and ready for the first game? i understand the concept of "revenue" for the city, but.......has anyone driven around and looked at the still-piled garbage, rotting houses, empty hospitals and non-existent schools? Why is the completing of the sports arena possible in a year's time, but the poverty problems are unfixable?
Should we ask..............SATAN?????? or perhaps BEELZEBUB? ain't it great to live in a society based on a judeo-christian ideology? gives us someone to blame besides politicians.
and speaking of which..........am i the only one who thinks that Chris Bell's commercials could use some oomph? they just look/sound a bit too blah to get anyone's attention. i'm not impressed with the gradma's ads either. she smiles
not when we have Fox News, Jerry Falwell, the U.N. and......hell, everything else.
Why are so many "notables" visiting Castro lately? As far as i can tell, the only true achievement of his decades as despot was the creation of a nation of antique cars. i suppose that could be important.
i enjoyed seeing Bill Clinton get pissed off in an interview....maybe it got his heart pumping again.
i started my day with a phone call from one of my credit card companies.....asking me if i was "still in possession" of my card, and if so, had i actually used it "so much" in the past ten days. Like it's any of their business what i do from my own couch?! i demanded that the guy read me all the charges, and then i MADE him listen to my explanation of each one. don't think he'll be bothering me again any time soon. The detailed, circuitous discussion of the charge to the City of Sealy involving assorted tickets, warrants, etc. gave him, and i quote, "a nasty headache".
It is good to have success so early in the day.
don't you love the word "schnecken"? it's phlegmy.
It is a perfect, clean, cool blue-sky morning......a sure sign that banana-harvesting time will soon be here. i always love whacking and sacking in my garden, and it's just an added bonus when i get to add eating to the chore. anyone have any great, unique recipes for teeny-tiny bananas?
How come people are thrilled and happy that the New Orleans Super Dome is finished and ready for the first game? i understand the concept of "revenue" for the city, but.......has anyone driven around and looked at the still-piled garbage, rotting houses, empty hospitals and non-existent schools? Why is the completing of the sports arena possible in a year's time, but the poverty problems are unfixable?
Should we ask..............SATAN?????? or perhaps BEELZEBUB? ain't it great to live in a society based on a judeo-christian ideology? gives us someone to blame besides politicians.
and speaking of which..........am i the only one who thinks that Chris Bell's commercials could use some oomph? they just look/sound a bit too blah to get anyone's attention. i'm not impressed with the gradma's ads either. she smiles
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
New Pie Morning
Today i began with one perfectly sliced piece of key lime graham-cracker crust pie.........perfection on a plate, gratis from the patron saint of pies.......ms. edwards.......habituee of the frozen food section at any mediocre grocery store.
Pure heaven.
Wouldn't Ann love the newest of "Willie Tales" in regard to his absence at her memorial service? A pound and a half of weed, a bag of mushrooms and some Louisiana cops trying to decide how to make some money off the situation.......again, i say it is perfection.
Wasn't it GOOD to see the Hilary of the past once again? No NY accent, no inside-the-loop mannerisms......just a fire-filled woman of humor and guts and motivation. i do wonder if or when we shall see her again.
Today i ran three errands.....CVS, Walgreens, and the liquor store. And at each stop, the person taking my money had a runnynose, snotty-sounding voice. Sick people should stay home and give me a fighting chance at life.
Now that sounded bitchy.
Last night was a million hours long, and i was teetering on the peripherie of the third ring most of the time. i do NOT like being able to count the number of bones in my hands. i do NOT like hearing the chiming of the clock every fifteen minutes. and i do NOT like pain that eludes my mental stamina. i need a respite.
Also, you know......about once a month various cable channels do a PSA emergency test.......They announce it ahead of time, so we viewers can turn down the volume before we are assaulted by the "tone". I believe.....no, i DEMAND, the same courtesy from the news stations. Any time Condi Rice, Karen Hughes or Laura Bush is going to speak.......i fucking want to be warned. Or, they could just restrict these particular annoyances until the "cocktail hour". A few shots of good vodka could ease the shock.
Sleep deprivation is a baaaaad thing. Don't get it.
Today i began with one perfectly sliced piece of key lime graham-cracker crust pie.........perfection on a plate, gratis from the patron saint of pies.......ms. edwards.......habituee of the frozen food section at any mediocre grocery store.
Pure heaven.
Wouldn't Ann love the newest of "Willie Tales" in regard to his absence at her memorial service? A pound and a half of weed, a bag of mushrooms and some Louisiana cops trying to decide how to make some money off the situation.......again, i say it is perfection.
Wasn't it GOOD to see the Hilary of the past once again? No NY accent, no inside-the-loop mannerisms......just a fire-filled woman of humor and guts and motivation. i do wonder if or when we shall see her again.
Today i ran three errands.....CVS, Walgreens, and the liquor store. And at each stop, the person taking my money had a runnynose, snotty-sounding voice. Sick people should stay home and give me a fighting chance at life.
Now that sounded bitchy.
Last night was a million hours long, and i was teetering on the peripherie of the third ring most of the time. i do NOT like being able to count the number of bones in my hands. i do NOT like hearing the chiming of the clock every fifteen minutes. and i do NOT like pain that eludes my mental stamina. i need a respite.
Also, you know......about once a month various cable channels do a PSA emergency test.......They announce it ahead of time, so we viewers can turn down the volume before we are assaulted by the "tone". I believe.....no, i DEMAND, the same courtesy from the news stations. Any time Condi Rice, Karen Hughes or Laura Bush is going to speak.......i fucking want to be warned. Or, they could just restrict these particular annoyances until the "cocktail hour". A few shots of good vodka could ease the shock.
Sleep deprivation is a baaaaad thing. Don't get it.
Monday, September 18, 2006
chocolate pie breakfast
A day just has to be good when it starts with chocolate meringue pie. I go from the middle outward....with a spoon, naturally. And tiny little tongue-orgasms fill up my mouth. and make me happy. And thus, a good day begins.
i just noticed that in only two lines, i used two words that ended in "gue". That may be a record.
It is raining today.....adding water to my newly-refinished pool in the garden. Salt water now, instead of chemicals. Way better. I prefer to ingest chemicals, or smoke them.....not swim in them.
I am presently in what i call the "second ring of nervana"......which is my definition of a particular pain level. It is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and yet does not totally occupy all of my thoughts. It's actually only scary when i allow myself to accept the fact that it "can get worse". i don't want to go there right now.
Besides, it is almost time for me to watch the Ann Richards farewell on tv. I am having a difficult time accepting her absence. How can all that energy and enthusiasm and humor just suddenly be......absent? i choose to believe it has merely moved on to another level. In bright colors.
I have always wished i could have big hair like hers, but it is not to be. My head is gigantic and big white hair would just scare children and timid men. I already do that too much.
I spent the weekend with my favorite person in the world......she fed me brown tomatoes and smelly cheese and wonderful wine. And she let me RANT about the absurdity of live theater, political hacks and the truly unsightliness of Rachel Ray's boobs.......in case you haven't noticed, they are small yet somehow flabby and......jiggly.. We do not like them.
I saw a commercial earlier today for an upcoming Oprah show in which she and her (i get tired of hearing about her) best friend drive from LA to NY. Oprah exclaims, "It's REAL reality!".
Get a grip.....if you have tv cameras on you and make-up/hair people with you, it ain't even CLOSE to "reality". Which is okay i guess......
i'm done for now.
A day just has to be good when it starts with chocolate meringue pie. I go from the middle outward....with a spoon, naturally. And tiny little tongue-orgasms fill up my mouth. and make me happy. And thus, a good day begins.
i just noticed that in only two lines, i used two words that ended in "gue". That may be a record.
It is raining today.....adding water to my newly-refinished pool in the garden. Salt water now, instead of chemicals. Way better. I prefer to ingest chemicals, or smoke them.....not swim in them.
I am presently in what i call the "second ring of nervana"......which is my definition of a particular pain level. It is unpleasant, uncomfortable, and yet does not totally occupy all of my thoughts. It's actually only scary when i allow myself to accept the fact that it "can get worse". i don't want to go there right now.
Besides, it is almost time for me to watch the Ann Richards farewell on tv. I am having a difficult time accepting her absence. How can all that energy and enthusiasm and humor just suddenly be......absent? i choose to believe it has merely moved on to another level. In bright colors.
I have always wished i could have big hair like hers, but it is not to be. My head is gigantic and big white hair would just scare children and timid men. I already do that too much.
I spent the weekend with my favorite person in the world......she fed me brown tomatoes and smelly cheese and wonderful wine. And she let me RANT about the absurdity of live theater, political hacks and the truly unsightliness of Rachel Ray's boobs.......in case you haven't noticed, they are small yet somehow flabby and......jiggly.. We do not like them.
I saw a commercial earlier today for an upcoming Oprah show in which she and her (i get tired of hearing about her) best friend drive from LA to NY. Oprah exclaims, "It's REAL reality!".
Get a grip.....if you have tv cameras on you and make-up/hair people with you, it ain't even CLOSE to "reality". Which is okay i guess......
i'm done for now.
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