i have had many "timepieces" in my lifetime. My first was a Cinderella watch, circa 1950s, that came in a glass slipper and had the Disney pic of her in the standard ballgown and the always lovely yellow hair. i wore it daily for a long time (by kid standards) until i lost it or....whatever happened that always happens to childhood stuff. Next was a series of cheapo Timexes.....and i have absolutely no recollection of what happened to them. In the early 80s i had a fake Rolex, complete with fake diamonds, which i wore proudly with my fancy "go to work clothes". Then, i moved up to a Raymond Weil.....it had a brown alligator band and no numbers on it....just dots. After that, it was Tags.....two consecutive men's gold bigass "diving watches" that lit up so bright in the dark, i had to sleep with my wrist under the pillow to avoid the glare. Then the ultimate.....a work-of-art gold, diamond encrusted evening watch, guaranteed to make all present feel envious and awe-struck. Next.....when i was "downsizing" due to financial havoc, i ordered an enormous pink watch off some tv shopping show.....
Now, what all of these had in common was.....they did not EVER show the correct time. And the Tags kept getting water in them, despite guarantees that that was "impossible". The pink watch worked for a short while and then the battery died,and according to every jeweler i saw,there existed no suitable batteries to replace the old one.
i now have that particular watch sitting on a bookshelf to hide a burn mark underneath it. The "evening watch" is useless in my life now.....it doesn't look good with my daily wardrobe of pjs.
So.....a few years ago, i bought a huge, monstrous, really quite ugly Grandfather clock....expensive and .....well, just expensive.
It does't work. Because i can't stand hearing the fucking chimes every fifteen minutes tolling out the passage of......TIME! So i turned them off, which means the weighted hangy-down things don't balance right, so the clock is always at least fifteen minutes or more fast. Which at my age, is not a positive thing.
i cannot even begin to calculate the dollar amount i have spent in my lifetime on.....timepieces. And now, at 61, i realize that "TIME" is just a made-up thing that we humans have used for......what? It's all irrelevant. NOW IS WHAT WE'VE GOT......MAKE IT COUNT.

Just some morningthoughts......
Despite all my efforts, i still think kung fu is way better than tofu.
Being on FaceBook is a lot of pressure.
Putting a bathrobe "sash" into the washer with a big load of laundry is ALWAYS a mistake.......unless you enjoy untying knots.
and
i still love the thought of "gorilla warfare" and "cereal killers".
just stuff i've pondered while floating in circles in the pool.

EEEEEEK!
Two traveling, door-to-door CHRISTIAN ZEALOTS caught me in my front yard this morning. Me, trapped between a fallen tree limb, a big pile of debris, and two bible-waving, big-haired, flat-shoed......CHRISTIAN WOMEN! very unnerving, but......also entertaining .
Conversation as follows:
T (them): Have you found God yet?
M (me): i didn't know she was missing!
T: HE is always present.
M: Then why are you looking for her?
T: WE have found HIM, and we want to give you the opportunity to enjoy HIS BLESSINGS in the HEAVENLY KINGDOM.
M: That sounds like a place for kids' birthday parties. Is it new?
Silence. New tactic:
T: Let me read you a scripture that will help you to gain insight into our LORD'S hope for us.
M: No thank you. But if you have an instruction manual for my computer i'd appreciate a lesson. My email is all screwed up and i haven't been able to access my address book.
Silence, along with much covert glancing at each other.
Another attempt.
T: With all the human catastrophes happeniing in our world today, do you feel that GOD is not paying attention?
M: What? i'm sorry, i wasn't paying attention.
Silence.
So i changed the conversational dynamic and said
M: i'm about ready for a drink. Would you like a quick early morning cocktail?
LONG SILENCE.
and they handed me some god-advertising magazine and walked off down the sidewalk.
Me, i went back to my raking.

Today i was talking with a friend and she was telling me about her recent involvement in "water aerobics". She was saying that after class each time, everyone just stays in the pool for a half hour, floating and relaxing. And she was upset because she absolutely cannot stay afloat. Now, this is your "average" 60+ year old woman, who has carefully followed the dire warnings that the AMA puts out informing us that if we are not "careful and dilligent", we women will put on 5 pounds each year after we are 35. She has done her part to validate this data. So........she says to me, "I wish i could get some of those floatie-things like little kids wear, but i don't think they make them to fit me". And i....as i am prone to do......said emphatically......"Oh! Yes they do! They're called "tires".
she hung up on me. and.......me being me......i am still, three hours later, laughing. when you're right, you're right!

i always love the little tv blurbstories about iconic "sightings". You know.....the face of Mary in a tortilla, or the image of Mother Theresa in a wrinkly apricot......These are neat, nutty things that entertain me. And i have had brief fantasies of "sighting" one myself and selling it on ebay. But, alas.....i have not been blessed with this particular gift. Oh sure, i've found potatoes that look like LBJ (as a matter of fact, about half the old Idahos in the produce aisle look like former presidents), and once there was a strewn assortment of pine needles on the deck that looked remarkably like Felix the cat. But...no sacred images. UNTIL........yep. Yesterday i bought a chocolate fudge pie at Kroger.....and when i got it home and was opening it up......THERE WAS THE FACE OF MOSES! Just etched into the dark, yummy goodness. Beard and all. But.....the moment was short. The beard was simply some form of mold, growing as a result of the store's undoubted policy of re-dating old bakery-goods. So....what the hell......if there's no beard, it ain't Moses. And.....i got nothin' to sell on ebay but a really bad pie.

Because of non-stop tv coverage of the hurricane, i have not been watching any political news this week.....until this morning, when i saw a portion of one of McCain's blahblah interviews. Now, i suppose i could be wrong, but i SWEAR that during the last few days, he has, if it is possible, gotten even WHITER. Pale. Ashen. Wan. Bleached. Drained. Despite his perpetual happy-face and upbeat lying rhetoric, he looks KAPUT. With any luck at all, he will, in the next couple of weeks, just tump over. Not dead.....just WHITED OUT.......like we used to do with old typewriter mistakes. Wouldn't that be great? Just a really really bad typo at last corrected.

There is just something WRONG with SheilaJacksonLee sporting her ever-present fancy hair-do when she is wearing JEANS! It's like serving a martini in a coffee mug....it may taste as good, but.....it just ain't right. i noticed that she didn't do any of her news conferences during the actual hurricane, so i expect she was worried that her giant wrap-around braid would come undone and she't take off like a whirlybird! i would've enjoyed that.

i am, as i say so often, a truly blessed woman. Yep......i endured the pounding of this hateful "Ike"...obviously a republican hurricane (eisenhower) and a wife-beater (Turner). It was loud and scary and long.....and naturally, i have a huge mess of tree limbs, over-turned bushes, over-flowing pool, and a missing fence. But, thanks to my Only Grrrl, some giant guys came here prior to the storm and boarded up the glass part of my house. so i am essentially intact. AND........i actually have electricity!!! Unfortunately, because i had absolutely no expectation of having same, i have nothing to cook.....just a countertop covered with jars of peanut butter, crackers, juniormints, cheetos and doggie treats. But.....i have ANOTHER countertop covered with bottles of rum, wine and tequila. So......i truly am a LUCKY and BLESSED woman. i do wish i had bought a drill-thingie so i could "unboard" the windows and doors......but that can wait for another day. And meanwhile, i have all the A/C i need!
And that's all i have to say for now.

i have so many thoughts, i do not know how to record them all. So, to begin, i shall say just this......I find it amazing that we are having this week's political convention/topics/discussions at all. When "fun" becomes this easy......it's no longer fun. Former beauty queens, the whitest man alive, out-of wedlock pregnant teenager, gun-totin', baby-birthin' mommas, ....... it's just too easy. i shall save my somewhat limited wit for worthier times/topics.